Earlier today it came to my attention that the actor and purported funny-man Rainn Wilson released an encyclical proclaiming himself Bassoon King before God, Penguin, and the World.
This disturbing news reached me at home in the palace–performing my most awesome and royal duties as Master Bassoonist of the Poulenc Trio, Chief Bassoon Hero of the Realm, Reed Slayer Most Extraordinary, and Assistant to the Regional Manager. Needless to say, I was awesomely surprised, and much less than royally amused.
As your King, I write to let you know that Mr. Wilson's outrage will not stand. Normally a challenge to the throne this blatant would result in immediate expulsion from the Order of the Crow and a permanent ban from all future Double Reed Conventions, especially the one next June in Columbus, Georgia. Also swift and painful death from above.
However, because I am a Kind and Merciful King, and also because I kind of liked The Office, Rainn Wilson's life and reeds will be spared.
Instead, as punishment for his admittedly hilarious but polemical screed, I, Bryan Young, the Just and Rightful Bassoon King do hereby issue an Official Bassoon Challenge to Rainn Wilson, pale usurper from the West.
We will meet on a field of battle, we will rock out on repertoire of our choosing, and only one will remain. The Real Bassoon King. Parley sir.